Biden Administration’s Desperate Attempt to Stop Joe From Tripping

Evan El-Amin /
Evan El-Amin /

In the grand theater of American politics, where every step and misstep are scrutinized more than a high school prom outfit, President Joe “Just Call Me Spry” Biden is giving us a performance worthy of Broadway. Let’s break down the latest episodes of “The Young and the Restless: White House Edition.”

Our leading man, Joe Biden, at the tender age of 81, is turning the simple act of boarding Air Force One into an Olympic event, complete with options for his entry. For those days when he’s feeling zesty, it’s the long ladder. But on days when he’s channeling his inner cautious grandpa, it’s the short stairs for him, possibly with a side of tennis shoes for that extra grip. After all, we wouldn’t want a repeat of the great sandbag stumble of last summer, now would we?

His team even got him doing what they’re calling “proprioceptive maintenance maneuvers,” which sounds more like a fancy dance move than a workout routine. Who knew?

Biden’s use of sneakers and a kiddie ladder with a babysitter Secret Service agent at the bottom is becoming more common. We can all agree it wouldn’t look good for him to trip over his own two feet during an election year. But wait, there’s more! As if navigating stairs wasn’t enough of a challenge, we’ve got Biden’s occasional mix-ups, like confusing French presidents and mixing up countries. But hey, who among us hasn’t forgotten a name or two or confused Egypt with Mexico? It’s all in a day’s work when you’re running the free world, right?

And then there’s the matter of those pesky classified documents. Special counsel Hur’s report has a few things to say about Biden’s handling, or mishandling, of them. But, in Biden’s defense, it’s hard to keep track of all those papers when you’re busy trying not to trip over sandbags and remembering which president you’re meeting with.

But hey, who needs a president with a sharp memory and a grasp of international affairs anyway? As long as he can make it up the stairs without a tumble, we’re golden, right?