The New York Times — the so-called “paper of record” — just aired a podcast episode where the guests argued that shoplifting is a legitimate form of political protest and that murdering a CEO is totally understandable. In the same episode. On the same microphone. With the same straight faces.

Unbelievable. Actually, scratch that — it’s entirely believable. This is the New York Times we’re talking about. The only surprise is that they didn’t throw in a segment defending arson as “architectural criticism.”

Here’s what happened. The Times invited streamer Hasan Piker — a guy who makes millions ranting on the internet about how capitalism is evil — onto their podcast alongside New Yorker writer Jia Tolentino and Times culture editor Nadja Spiegelman. The topic? Whether stealing stuff from stores is actually fine and good.

Piker’s argument, if you can call it that, is that stealing from big corporations is acceptable because “they steal quite a bit more from their own workers.” That’s the logic. Walmart underpays a cashier in Topeka, therefore you get to walk out of the store with a flat-screen TV. Makes perfect sense if you’ve never held a job or paid for anything in your life.

Spiegelman — the Times’ own culture editor, mind you — helpfully coined the term “microlooting” to describe shoplifting. Microlooting! As if slapping a fancy word on it makes it something other than theft. She even referenced social media posts of people proudly stealing from Whole Foods because Jeff Bezos is rich. “Anger and moral justification,” she called it. We used to call it “crime.”

(Imagine telling a judge, “Your Honor, I wasn’t shoplifting. I was microlooting as an act of political resistance against billionaire grocery store ownership.” Good luck with that.)

But here’s where it gets truly deranged. Piker then pivoted to defending Luigi Mangione — the guy who murdered United Healthcare CEO Brian Thompson in broad daylight on a Manhattan sidewalk. Piker’s take? Thompson was guilty of “social murder” through healthcare system policies, so the actual murder was just… payback, apparently. He said the “pervasive pain” of medical bills explains why “younger generations” celebrated when Thompson was gunned down.

Read that again. A guest on a New York Times podcast just said that a CEO being assassinated on the street was justified because health insurance is expensive. And the hosts nodded along like this was a reasonable position to hold.

When Piker was pressed on whether all the shoplifting might, you know, cause stores to raise prices on everyone else — including the working people he claims to care so much about — he dodged the question entirely. His solution? “Fast and free buses and government-owned storefronts.” Government-owned storefronts! Because if there’s one thing the government does well, it’s running efficient retail operations. Have you been to the DMV lately?

This is what the Left actually believes, folks. Stealing isn’t stealing if the victim has more money than you. Murder isn’t murder if you’re angry about your copay. And the New York Times isn’t a propaganda outlet — it’s just a newspaper that happens to platform people who defend theft and homicide as political expression.

Meanwhile, let’s not forget that a man who allegedly threw a Molotov cocktail at OpenAI founder Sam Altman’s home also cited Mangione as inspiration. The ideology Piker is cheerfully promoting on the Times’ platform isn’t just stupid — it’s getting people hurt.

But we’re the dangerous ones, right? We’re the “threat to democracy” because we vote for Trump and think people should pay for their groceries. Meanwhile, the most prestigious newspaper in America is running a podcast that’s essentially a how-to guide for justifying crime based on your feelings.

The Times used to break stories about government corruption and wartime atrocities. Now they’re breaking new ground in convincing twenty-somethings that the self-checkout lane at Target is a revolutionary battleground.

No wonder their subscriptions are in the toilet. Who wants to pay for a newspaper that thinks paying for things is optional?